Ahmad Hussain

No experience quite compares to the sensation of breathing under water. It's somehow serene, unsettling, exhilarating, and terrifying all at once. You’ve left this planet and guested into a realm that breaches the physics of your daily life. Its absurd but your fear melts in this dream, even in the presence of sharks five feet in length. However, as you ascend and break the surface, you’re rocked by massive waves and the terror returns as you come back to reality.

On a blustery morning in late August of 2017 I embraced my fears and dived off the back of a boat into the stormy Pacific Ocean. I swam within 15 feet of black tip sharks, the largest of which was roughly a meter and half. 

You might be wondering why I expect you to care about my scuba experience? You could likely Youtube footage of a more exciting dive or read a pamphlet from a scuba centre to better understand what it’s like. My goal isn’t to leave you baffled at what is a pretty touristy experience. Nor is my goal to brag about what a great summer I had (even though it was pretty great). 

Two weeks prior to my dive, I sat on a plane for more than twenty hours, racked with nerves about what lied ahead. Foreign country, money, language, people- the works. As I made my way towards Thailand, I did everything I could to make my exuberance outweigh my anxiety, which proved to be rather difficult. I was extremely anxious: about all that could go wrong, about having a terrible trip and wasting my money, and to be frank I was most anxious about spending the next three weeks outside of my realm of comfort. 

I highlighted the scuba experience above all else for two reasons. Firstly, I don’t have any pictures or videos of the dive to share with you, so my words will have to do. But more importantly because the whole trip seemed to be moving towards that moment I stood at the stern of this boat, building up the courage to jump off of it. From walking the streets of Bangkok to Kayaking through the jungle, this trip endlessly presented opportunities for me to push myself and grow in the breadth of what I was comfortable with. And every single time I did, I found myself in the middle of something that was indescribably awe-inspiring. 

I’ve always fantasized about adventure, always suffered from the wanderlust thats commonplace in suburban living. And thats why I bought the ticket and got on the plane. But it took more than wanderlust to jump off of that boat or to spend thirteen hours aboard a night train. I’ve come to learn that I have to embrace my fears rather than just trying conquer them. Because after I jumped, as I waited for my instructor and the stormy water tossed me around, I was convinced I was going to die. It took me three panicked attempts before I could fully submerge. And even though my awe took over when I saw the sharks and the coral, as I rose back to the surface, the violent waves shook me back into terror. 

Had I gone diving on a beautiful day, with no waves, I am sure I would have had a phenomenal time. But I’m partially glad I jumped off a rocking boat into uneasy waters. I left the boat carrying two monumental experiences (three if you count the intense sea sickness). The first being a great dive, and the second the opportunity to feel absolute terror, embrace it, and have myself be able to move on in spite of it. And I am grateful for both.

If you take away anything away from my recount of a cliche activity in one of the most popular tourist destinations in the world, I hope that it's that you try to find ways in your life to embrace your fears. And I know some might look upon my experiences and find them not especially courageous, inspiring or even unique compared to their own. But for those of you who have never left your hometowns or can’t at all imagine themselves at the stern of a boat staring at liquid grey mountains ready to crash over you, I want you to know that in my new found experience, greatness is often found on the other side of fear. 

I could have wrote a story about Muay Thai fighters, spicy shrimp, temples and any other of the countless adventures I had in Thailand. But below the surface of all those experiences I was undergoing something that I believe was far more productive to share. For the rest of the story please enjoy the photos below, of the events that I did manage to capture (mostly shot on 35mm film, with some digital exceptions). And if ever we find ourselves at either sides of a table, casually sipping on a hot beverage, I would love to tell you all the nuances of my crazy adventures.